I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just pee around me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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