Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
