they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
