i permit you to call me
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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