you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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