god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
