ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
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Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
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Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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