My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
