just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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