using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
