In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
