once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just gift wrapped bread.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
