Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
