you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
