***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
