Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I want to make a zoo with you.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
