she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
