hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
