we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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