I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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