he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
