I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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