She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
