It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
