So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
