stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
