You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
