that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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