I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
