help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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