chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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