I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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