It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Randomize
