Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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