im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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