I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
