If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
