2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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