Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
