3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
