if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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