making cat noises will not fix the situation.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
