Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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