I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
