My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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