well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize