i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
