i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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