I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
