hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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