Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize