just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
