1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
