I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
