just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
