Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
