We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
