i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
