Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
