I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
