Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
