I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
420 ftw
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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