You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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