she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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