I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
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Sober January is a disaster.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
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One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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