Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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