ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The uberlube is also flammable
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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