marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The ass gains better be worth it
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