I think I just saw someone hide a body.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
