It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
