Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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