just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I want to be your penis for a week.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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