Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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