who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
