My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
