Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
