It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
