when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
