He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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