my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Never joke about your clitoris.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
