i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
