I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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