guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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