Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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