Ambien. No doubt about it.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
